More

Always lacking, always wanting more, more time, more stuff. There is no happiness here.

Desire

I don't have any desire to do anything right now. That's not entirely true, I want to fuck and I chose that word because I mean it in the most vulgar animistic way. I don't want to do anything productive or anything that is "entertainment". I just want to be.

Addiction

I am addicted to entertainment. I can't escape it. I can't control my use of video games and the internet, TV and movie watching, or books. It affects my life. I don't like it I don't like being sucked in. I don't want to stop and I don't know if I can if I wanted to.

It puts me in a hazy state, I understand that from the mindless activities, but the books and some of the internet reading are inexplicable to me.

I said I don't want to stop, that is a lie. I don't know how to stop I don't know what meaning life has without entertainment because it is the only think I do that is fun.

Email

I am afraid to check my email because I do not want to see what I haven't done for school, who I've failed today. I know it's wrong not to because some of those things must be done, some of what people want to say to me is important. I just want to be by my self in a world where no one can reach me.

Fear of Expression

Hello World, it is likely I will never post here again because I am afraid of expressing myself. Also I will probably never have a reader because I will not send this link to anyone.

My hope is that I can free myself of fear by exposing my thoughts to the world, weather they are ever found.